What are you doing #apple

Bear with me for a moment.

 

System-wide third-party keyboards.

 

Buttons that can launch custom actions from within the sharing section.

 

System-wide third-party keyboards.

 

Beats Music acquisition just for another Steve Jobs.

 

SYSTEM-WIDE THIRD PARTY KEYBOARDS.

 

Are you getting it?  These are not just android features anymore.  Now they will be available for all iOS users.

 

*cue Steve Jobs’s ghost dying and a very loud playback of “Don’t Stop Believing”

When Steve Jobs told Tim Cook not to emulate him, Tim listened.  And instead of stalling and exploding into a pit of slag like the WHOLE WORLD was expecting, Apple continued to innovate and push the envelope.

 

Ever had a problem where you left off on a project on your Mac and had to search for the program, open it, and open your document on your iPhone/iPad?  No more.  Now, the Mac realizes you left off somewhere, and will tell your phone/tablet/phablet, and your phablet tablet phone will prompt you on the lockscreen to open the document that you last had open on the Mac.  It’s called Handoff.  It makes sense.  I want it.

 

I can definitively say that Apple still has that magic touch.

 

—

 

Now for the awkward moves that Apple has pulled.  Namely, the 5C (which I haven’t heard a lick of since that weird dots ad campaign), and the Beats acquisition.

 

The 5C…hmm.  It had color.  It fit in with iOS 7.  It felt fun…but…it just wasn’t right.  People reacted the same way that they did with iOS 7, except this time it wasn’t the colors, it was the plastic.  It might have been called poly-something-or-other, Apple may have said “we had no interest in imitating the typical, fragile plastic phone“, but dude…it’s plastic.  A material usually associated with cheap phones and/or baby’s toys.  Even if God built it…it’s plastic.  People will assume it will break if you so much as drop it on carpet.  It’s PLASTIC.

Also $600 iPhone vs. Free Firmware.  Who wins?  Apple, I’m going to tell you this for your own good: Please Try Again.

 

Steve Jobs would have thought of this…if only Apple had hired another perfectionist who knew what people would want before they did…

 

Oh wait, they have!  Dr. Dre!  Of BEATS.  A MUSIC COMPANY.  NOT RELATED TO ITUNES MUSIC/RADIO.

They also make headphones.  Every single market analyst was stunned.  They hit Ctrl+Alt+Del accidentally on their stock market computers and crashed the stock market (lawl i made a joke).

 

Here’s what I think:  Dr. Dre is a perfectionist, right?  What drives Apple?  Perfectionism.  Awesome build quality, awesome software quality, the Magic Moment, building things people don’t even know they want until they use it!

 

QED.  Apple has just bought a second Steve Jobs.

Apple.  Bought.  Innovation.

Chew on that and tell me how it tastes.  Does it taste like shit?  Does it taste as bad as Apple hiring that iOS jailbreaker a while back?  What?  That tastes like shit too?  I don’t know what you’re talking about.

 

Some people say Apple just wants Jimmy Iovine.  And you know what’s funny?  This post was originally going to ask “Who the fuck is Jimmy Iovine??”  Then I actually checked his Wikipedia article.  You can tell I don’t follow Beats very much.  But the article dosen’t say whether he’s a perfvectionist like Dre.

 

But here’s the thing.  We know that Dre is signing up as an executive.  But we don’t know where Jimmy is going to go.  He was hired, we just don’t know what position he was hired to be in.  Is he going to be CEO, CCO, CBO, design nerd, replace Craig Federigi or Jony (please not Jony)?

 

Time will tell what all this nonsense means.  That or Apple will explode into slag before they finish their new campus.