Month: September 2016

Wow.  This is the most solid expression of Apple’s vision we’ve seen.  Wireless headphones that connect on removal from the case, and that automagically broadcasts to every device you have?  Sounds like a pretty simple tool.

And it seems to get lots of jobs done at once, having microphones that are (reportedly) sensitive enough but smart enough that you don’t have to shout to get yourself picked up.  So you can just have a pleasant chat with Siri or talk to your boy/girlfriend for hours as people stare at you wondering when you’re going to shut up……wait a tick.

It’s only got five hours of battery life?  No…no I know the CASE has twenty-four hours of–listen, the case itself has twenty-four hours of battery life, but the pods themselves only have five hours.  Yes, the case is a battery pack.  Yes you probably have to plug it in…yeah, I know it’s wireless–I mean the PODS are–I know that’s not Magical like it says on the website–SHUT UP!

I don’t blame you for yelling.  You can access Siri right from the pods, why the hell can’t you just leave them in all day and just blurt “Hey Siri” when you need something?  Is Siri supposed to be on battery?  Is this the future:  The Robotic Companion:  The only assistant you’ll ever need…if you remember to charge her?

Jony, no one cares about you, just let the engineers insert a better battery…I’m kidding…don’t shoot me…

——

Setup

—

This section only exists 1.  To praise the simple setup, and 2.  To point out that this is hilarious because everyone says you just can’t trust devices that connect without your say-so.  And here is Apple making a device that connects without your say-so.  At least (if you don’t do anything shady) both the iPhone and AirPods come from Apple, and at least Apple says it makes things secure, and if a company SAYS it makes things secure then they ARE secure, except when everyone jumps on them, then it’s most definitely NOT secure because logic just jumped in from the moon and covered everything in Perspective.  Or something.

Actually, technically the AirPods don’t do that.  The phone pops up a window that has a Continue button.  I bet you can turn off the screen and the AirPods disconnect.  The pods and the phone still have to do something together to get that to work though.

——

The Case

—

The case is wired.  It also might have some sort of sensor in it to detect when the pods are taken out.  Or the pods have a sensor to determine if they were taken out of the case.  I don’t really know.  Stay tuned for a teardown somewhere on the Internet where some dudes kill Jony Ive’s soul and rip his products to bits.  We’ll see if Apple Magic really exists.

——

The Pods

—

I’ll reiterate what I said at the beginning:  Why the hell can’t you just have a leisurely chat with Siri without worrying that a low battery will render her useless?  I know:  Because miniaturization hasn’t gotten that far.  Hah, didn’t expect that, did ya?  I’ll just make a quick point and move on:  We complain about Apple because why?  Because it’s supposed to be better?  Because it’s our big juicy fruit that’s supposed to make things better?  Because it’s our…big brother?  *wink*

I love that Apple managed to make them wireless, but the battery is just awful for the kind of use case a die-hard Apple fan would expect.  And by die-hard, I mean the kind of person who expects an Apple product to work like this:  “Hmm,  Siri, I wanna watch the game.  Siri, send Mail to John about our meeting, and tell him he has to be on time, and give him the details about the points I talked about with Tom in our last conversation.  Siri, make sure our room stays quiet for the next hour.”

As advertised, that die-hard Apple fan may run into a problem [I’m going to insert a story here as an experiment.  I’d like your feedback on these.]

———

The Apple fan touched his AirPods.  “Hey Siri, can you send mail to Tim?”

There was no answer.  “Siri?!  Siri?…”  The AirPods remained silent.

Wondering what was going on, the fan remembered that the AirPods ran on a battery…or, he read somewhere that they did.  He didn’t especially believe in that, he just thought…well, Apple wouldn’t screw its own customers…everything that came from Apple “just worked” after all.

He tried again, asking Siri to send mail, and…nothing.  Okay…what if they DID run on batteries?  What if they did?  Well then…

He shuddered.  Well then all the rumors were true…Apple really was just another company, and he had been lying to himself for all these years and…and…

He reached for his iPhone tentatively.  No…surely not.  His phone would show him that the AirPods would be connected, and everything would be fine.

He swiped up Control Center, swiped to the left…

Oh no.  The AirPlay menu was showing that the audio was being routed to the iPhone speaker…

He opened the menu and searched for the AirPods in the entry list…they weren’t there.

They ran on batteries.

The Apple fan sank to the ground, clutching his iPhone as if someone had insulted it.

———

I know that’s kind of an extreme example, but its a possibility.  It also ignores the fact that his iPhone runs on batteries too…

——

Conclusion

—

These things are really good.  And by any other company’s standards I would give them a full 10/10…but…since I’m seeing so many complaints, and since apparently Apple is “Big Brother“…I’ll have to give it a 5/10.  Sorry, Apple.

(To be honest though, based on how I use my headphones already, a solid 9/10 is in order.)