Category: Uncategorized

I’m writing this in the hopes that I can dredge up some answers for myself.

 

Also I just learned that Apple is a functionally organized company.  This means the teams are not divided by product.  There is no iPhone team or iPad team, or even iPhone software team or Mac software team (as contradictory as that seems!).  There is only the software team and the hardware team.  Also the services team, but everyone thinks Apple should…separate that…or something.

 

The retail team has already been separated into basically its own company.  Even though in a company with separate teams they should already be separate.  Unless I’m missing something, like maybe that we already assumed the Mac and iOS teams were siloed off because their software is totally different from each other.  But with this new data, we can conclude that the people at Apple actually have some willpower and are siloing themselves off by themselves.  But also exchanging data about how things should work, because that makes sense </sarcasm>.

 

It seems like we should be trying to find out how exactly the mental models of each device are being figured out.  I will start that now and see how far I get.  Wish me luck:

 

—-

 

The Macintosh Mental Model

 

Since I’m on a Mac right now, let’s start with this.  First, the basic UI:  Every native app that docent have a specific theme has a grey gradient or color for its bars.  The buttons are also flat white with tiny little shadows.  This makes it look a lot like the hardware of the current Macs and keyboards.  The (gray) Macs are a flat color, and can have gradients if put under the right lighting, and the Magic Keyboards have white buttons that usually have tiny little shadows.

 

The translucent panels almost make no sense in this context, but you can find something a lot like it in the original iMac.  So the Mac mental model appears to be based on its hardware.

 

—-

 

The Apple Watch Mental Model

 

This one is slightly strange, in that there’s almost nothing to go off of.  The UI is entirely black, and there’s no real theming short of a few shadows, blurs, and what few onscreen colors there are (not including the home screen).  If its based off the hardware, then the home screen icons are based off of the circular Digital Crown, and all other buttons are based off the rounded rectangular…Contact-Power-Apple-Pay button.  I had to look up whether Apple Pay was activated via the side button or the Digital Crown.  Which is also a button.  In case you forgot.

 

If it’s not based off the hardware:  Glass/plastic floating objects.  That’s really all it looks like.  Punch me if it doesn’t.

 

—-

 

The iOS Mental Model

 

This one is the strangest.  Ignoring the fact that it looks lazy compared to the other OSes…the buttons have no borders.  This is a strange thing, because EVERY OTHER OS has borders for their buttons.  Most of their buttons (WHAT?!).  Since I can explain the other OSes in terms of the hardware they run on…can I explain this using the hardware?  I can hear you right now:  “No, you can’t, because the iPhone’s buttons have borders.  There are no buttons on the iPhone that don’t have any borders!”  Yeah…you’re right.  But there is text that says “iPhone” on the back that doesn’t have a border.  Yes, that sounds desperate, BUT.

 

There SHOULD be an explanation for this.  Like maybe Jony forced the border look into an accessibility function because…what?  Because he thought it looked too crowded?  Because everyone at Apple loved it?  Have they even seen OS X?  Maybe because that completely awkward reason in my own post?!?  Or maybe because Jony gave up??  Or he just didn’t want to design anything—

 

I’m sorry!  People like having borders for buttons and the reason I talked about earlier is the best I can come up with!  That, AND APPLE DIDN’T CHANGE IT FOR THREE YEARS.  CHEW ON THAT.

 

Okay, I’ll just shut up and continue the analysis.  But not with this OS, because plastic (flat colors) and glass (blurred panels).  The no-border buttons are text on the plastic, and no reality analogy available actually.  Except (at a stretch) for devices that have you wave your hand over a specific part of it to have it do multiple functions.  I had a DVD player that was designed that way, and it was horrible.

 

—-

 

The Apple TV Mental Model

 

Take iOS and OS X and slap them together, then notice that the square buttons look a lot like a TV screen, and you have tvOS’s model.

 

———

 

That’s it.  I have no answers.  I’m so sorry, both for me for wasting your time, and for you for hoping I actually had an answer.  I did tell you this was a confused post in the title.

 

I’m also sorry for Apple, because the software team apparently doesn’t have any idea how to…um…[insert something about the user experience here].

 

Except for the Mac team………………………..wait.

I’ll take a pitchfork to the gut now.

[The Apple Inc. part of my brain has devolved into a confusing mess, so that’s why the keynote post never happened. I think it’ll happen eventually.  Maybe.  It’s probably too late for it though.]

 

Think epic battling angels with wings, that are also cute, and have differing personalities:  One is sincerely devoted to whoever Master gives her orders, another is a snippy tsundere, and a third is a comedic dumbass.

 

Then add a family (without parents) that consists of a little kid and his sister that beats him comedically, and a few side characters that are…oddly distant, despite appearing a bunch and having their own comedic shticks.

 

Oh yeah, one of those characters is an insane pervert.  The kid…the boy with the sister.  Yeah.

 

Meet Tomoki Sakurai, a kid who loves peace and quiet, but gets his life’s panties in a twist when a few angels turn his life into…basically a race for who can make Tomomi’s life the most insane.  Cue several gags that involve female humanoid weaponry attempting to live with a kid who’s life goal is to exploit women’s assets.  Except with the angels themselves, mostly, because…well actually, even the show doesn’t know why.  Also cue half the series depicting these characters in cute chibi form because they’re all weird.  One of the female guns loves to pet watermelons.  I think she’s trying to bond with them, for reasons that no one understands.

 

If you’re thinking of checking this out, I’ll pick the Netflix version or something, because there’s some pervertabelia that is otherwise uncensored.  However…a lot of animation strategically covers small parts of naughty bits, so there’s a lot of mostly visible fun objects.  Yes, there are even whole episodes devoted to Tomoki’s love for squishing bags of fun.

As a girl.

 

There’s this underlying story about a fourth angel who wants to wreak havoc on the earth…and some…sad plot points.  There’s something for everyone here.  Cute girls, epic battles, insane perverted schemes, bird-panties…take your pick.

 

I don’t particularly LOVE the fanservice…but I don’t hate it either.  It’s done well, at least.

 

Rating:  9/10 – Or if you hate pervertedness, 4.5/10

[I’m posting this because Donald Trump is the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in politics…and that’s saying something.  I don’t follow politics hardly at all.]

 

This will be strange.  I don’t write about this stuff.  And no, this is not sponsored.

 

Here goes nothing.

—-

 

This isn’t strange just because I don’t write about this…another reason is the question:  Is Donald Trump a businessman or a comedian?  And I’m being serious…take a gander at this nonsense.  Who plays like this in a campaign?!  How did he figure this out?!  And furthermore, WHAT THE HELL???

 

Researching this was interesting, to say the least.  Presidential campaigns are all over the place.  Using a chess analogy, they go from playing fairly by moving your pawn step-by-careful-step to clear the way for your bishop to shoot over diagonally to take the queen…to declaring that the bishop is actually some Queen-like special piece and not even referring to the rulebook as you smash the entire board with it.

 

But just randomly stating things doesn’t have any meat.  Let’s get some meat.

————

Donald Trump’s Position on Immigration

——

Okay, so Mexico might have gotten a bit hard to swallow at some points…but is that any reason to make a blanket statement that all Mexican immigrants are rapists and drug dealers?  No.  In fact if you read further in that article, it actually disproves that statement.  And yet…

 

I told you campaigns were weird.  And if you actually are of the opinion that immigration is bad and that all immigrants are only there to screw up the United States, I shall only say Japan.  You’re welcome.

 

Also he wants to build a wall.  I guess he is a comedian.

 

———

Now I want to point out someone else in this candidate lineup.  Bernie Sanders is another candidate that actually has way more points to his plan than Donald Trump does for some reason.  In fact I can mention one specific point that will make Donald Trump’s campaign look…worse than it already does from this post. I’m serious.

————

Real Family Values

——

If Donald Trump really cared about America, how in the holy Earth and beyond did this not make it into his plans:

Family values: let’s talk about what those words mean.

When a mother can’t spend time with her newborn child during the first weeks and months of life, that is not a family value.

When a husband can’t get time off from work to care for his cancer-stricken wife, that is not a family value.

When a mother is forced to send her sick child to school because she can’t afford to stay home, that is not a family value.

When parents and children can’t spend any time on vacation together during the course of an entire year, that is not a family value.

In fact, these things are an attack on everything the family stands for.

…holy piss Donald…

———

You know what, if that isn’t enough data to make you hate Donald Trump, I don’t know what’ll do it.

 

I hope you’re proud of yourself, dude.

…huh.

 

No seriously, that’s how it can be summed up.  Just…huh.

 

And the reason I say “huh” is because…well…just read and find out…because…huh…

 

———

 

The Remote

 

The remote is…okay?  It’s got a lot more buttons than the previous one (at least if you count the rotor on the previous one to be one button)…like 3 more.  And even though it has a dual microphone, it’s not very sensitive (well, okay, that can be justified in that you might have several people all talking at once while you’re trying to use Siri, but still…).

 

And it’s also a Wiimote.  Because it has an accelerometer and a gyroscope.  Okay…since you’re entering the games space then, Apple, I guess you’d best be like the best…but…

 

Huh.

 

——

 

The Setup Process

 

I actually kind of like this.  You can set it up using your iPhone by holding it near the Apple TV.  That’s really nice and slick.  You can also choose to set it up manually and HOLY BALLS APPLE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS:

Happy Carpel Tunnel Syndrome day.  Because did I mention the remote has no keyboard and it has a touchpad?  I didn’t?  Funny, it’s almost like you assumed this part would be innovative and that Apple wouldn’t jury-rig a Mac trackpad to the remote and then jury-rig the Mac monitor to use Tablet Mode from Windows 10 </lamecompetitorjoke>.  It’s almost like I assumed it would be innovative.  It’s almost like Apple is too obsessed with the Xbox or something.  It’s almost like…huh.

 

——

 

The TV Experience

 

It’s…kind of what you would imagine.  Except Siri does do well with this.  Very well, in fact.  You can use her to find any type of show you want, and buy it abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz and watch it immediately.  And since it’s connected to your iCloud account abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz, all your purchased movies and TV shows appear for you to watch without having to buy them abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.

 

There is a dedicated Photos app as well, so if you’re signed in to iCloud abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz you can view all of your photos and videos (or you could just AirPlay them up to it from your iDevices).

 

There’s also a direct link to Netflix if the movie is available on there, so you can watch it there abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz if you desire.

 

Now, you’re probably wondering why I kept interrupting everything with the alphabet.  Wherever there is an alphabet, that is where you need to input something on the keyboard.  By default.  You do the thinking yourself.  I know Apple products have made it difficult to think because they were all intuitive and super easy to use…but it seems that there’s been some downhill careening going on.  Maybe.  I hope not.  Although this makes it difficult to ignore.  But I hope not.

 

SERIOUSLY ARE THERE NO BRAINS LEFT AT APPLE DOES NO ONE GET CARPEL TUNNEL SYNDROME THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE ACTUALLY BUT FUCKING COME ON YOU GOTTA THINK ABOUT YOUR USER AND DO I HAVE TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS FACT THAT EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE ROOM CAN SEE YOU TYPE IN YOUR PASSWORD SEVERAL TIMES A DAY WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL WAS ANYONE AT APPLE THINKING THATS NOT PRIVACY THATS ANTIPRIVACY AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MATTER AND ANTIMATTER COLLIDE THEY EXPLODE…

 

Huh.

 

——

 

The Keyboard

 

Now let’s talk about WHY this is.  I know it’s very obviously stupid, but here’s why they 1.  couldn’t maintain the connection with the iPhone to type in things using the iPhone, or 2. put an iPhone-like keyboard on the remote.

 

1.  Maybe you don’t have an iPhone even if you set it up USING AN IPHONE

2.  Battery, even if it’s an LCD screen like a digital clock.

3.  Whoever designed the Apple TV deserves to sit in the corner and think about what they’ve done and think about why they never listened to Tim Cook and Jony shouting from the back about how everyone could see you type in your password and why they tried to squeeze the remote into this awkwardly small profile and not give it some sort of keyboard and why. YOU.  CAN’T.  DICTATE.  INTO.  THE.  KEYBOARD.

 

Huh?

Yes, I love Japan.  No, I don’t want to sightsee The Epic Palace of the Kappa God or whatever, I’m just trying to learn it so that I can enjoy anime in Japanese.  That and if I ever go to Japan I won’t be caught by the 5 words that mean “you”.  Because some of those words are an insulting way of saying it.  Japanese is weird.

 

That brings me to what I want to talk about:  Should I go the hard way around and learn all the pictograms that make up Hiragana, or go the easy way first and learn how to pronounce and write the Latin alphabet version known as Romaji?

 

Here’s my problem:  Watashi no sore ga kuruma desu. (I own that car.)

 

And I can’t even begin to tell you what that would look like in Hiragana.  And I wrote that from memory.  I also studied Hiragana for a bit.

 

There seems to be confusion between guides about how to handle this.  The more serious guides seem to want to teach you Hiragana first, while the textbooks and less serious guides want to teach you Romaji first.

 

As you probably know, Hiragana is a series of strokes grouped into characters (kind of like the latin alphabet I’m using right now).  But these characters don’t stand for letters, these characters stand for sounds.  Like “ha”, “ga”, ra”, etc.

 

These pictograms don’t look like the latin alphabet at all.  In fact if you looked at Katakana (which is a different set of pictograms), you would think these characters were just random lines.

 

Now before we get into my specific issue, I’m going to draw a connection to something you will not see coming:

 

Gnommish.

Gnommish is a fictional language from the Artemis Fowl series.  It also uses pictograms, except these pictograms stand for each letter of the latin alphabet (actually, I think that the pictograms technically stand for sounds, but in the book that I read that teaches you the language, it was dumbed down).

 

I mastered that language very quickly.  And I could write fluently in it (I’ve since forgotten a lot of it).

But for Hiragana…I just can’t do it.  The only character I’ve memorized is “ro” which is probably because it looks like a stylized “3”.  If I think a bit I can remember “ya” and “ta”, mostly because it makes up the Japanese word “Yatta”, which is a general declaration of success.

 

Also, because the characters make up sounds instead of letters, there are way more characters than there are letters in the Latin alphabet.

 

Take the Latin alphabet, and double the number of characters.  That is pretty much the base sounds of Hiragana.  Now double that, and you have Hiragana.  Double that, and you have katakana as well.  Now just go nuts with the doubling, and you have Hiragana, Katakana, and the gigantic third set of pictograms.

 

I have heard that you can get by with just Hiragana.  I’ve also heard that if you don’t learn the Kanji (the general word for written Japanese) first, good luck reading anything in Japan.

 

Thing is, from what I’ve seen, there is a way more limited set of sounds.  Sounds as in “ha”, “ta”, “ga”, instead of pictograms.

 

That is mostly why I like to learn Romaji first.  Screw the massive set of pictures, at least until I master all the words.  Then I can transfer the sounds to pictures.

 

That’s my plan unless I find something better in that time.

 

And now a random Japanese lesson:

 

Watashi no sore ga kuruma desu.

Watashi = I, me

no = [Sentence particle.  Has no meaning; used to mark the object before it as owning something]

sore = That

ga = [Sentence particle.  Has no meaning; used to mark the object after it as being in the location specified before it.]

kuruma = car

desu = to be [Not a literal use of the english concept.)

 

 

Now, the 5 words that mean “you” that I stated at the beginning:

Anata = Most common word.

Anta = Used only by women.

Omae = If you are close to the person you are talking to, this is an affectionate way of saying it.  Otherwise it is slightly insulting.

Tenee = A pretty insulting way of saying it.

Kisama = A very insulting way of saying it.

 

 

I told you Japanese is weird.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I got some of that wrong…

 

That’s right, I am getting burned by job searching.

 

It’s not really a surprise to me, given that companies in general are (usually) filled with executives just trying to get a good ROI (Return on Investment) so they can feed themselves and others (or so their butler can feed them).

 

I’m gonna go into detail now on exactly HOW I’m getting burned.

 

My first job attempt was at Agile Learning Labs where I was a kit assembler.  I just had to pack kits with all sorts of things, in the same order, in the same location within the kit, and forever and ever until the job ended.

Then came a week where Agile had a huge order of kits, and we needed to step up the game.

I turned into a chicken and flew the coop.  Yep.  I quit.  And it was totally, literally, because I didn’t think I could keep up.  I’m torn on this one:  Between whether I should’ve stayed and gotten experience, or whether I should be proud that I wasn’t a full-fledged kit assembler.  I am a creative person at heart.  Kit assembler has nothing to do with that.

I label this (in hindsight) as “getting burned” because well, I was obviously having spurts of creativity before the job.  And getting my talents labeled as “assembling kits” was just insulting to my creativity.

 

The next one was a lot better suited to me.  It was as a video editor…at a skin-care products company.

I am not well-versed in the skin-care department, which probably led to what happened.

I was happily putting together what was a pretty good video, utilizing a 3D plugin I downloaded for Sony Vegas.  Then they changed things, saying that I should actually present the products in THIS order instead of THAT order, and these other two products should be presented like THIS (I think…it was something like that).  Then I got angry.  I called them out on it, suggesting maybe they should call the head of their company for more information.  I am not proud of this, and I now know exactly what happened here.

 

See, most companies are built inside a “need-to-know basis” culture.  Each employee, no matter what job they are in, is only told what they need to know.  A video editor is only given his assets and told in what order to do things in.  A sales guy is only told about the products and what they do, and told to make the products sound awesome.  A hardware guy is only given product parts and told to put them together according to a diagram.  They are not told about what goes on internally or what other employees are doing.

 

I was only told what the products were and told to make a video out of them.  Then, internally, the company apparently had a meeting, and decided that the way they presented their products was not the best way.  So they changed it.

But, being in the need-to-know culture, I was not told of the meeting, I was only told of the result, which contradicted what they told me earlier.  Contradictions like that, from a place of authority, get under my skin.  So yeah, that was a thing.  Needless to say, they fired me.

 

The next job…opportunity…was Colfax International.  Why did I call it an opportunity instead of an attempt?  Because…and I’m still confused on how this happened…It DIED.  That’s it.  No warning, no information, not a single email from an employee saying I’m not right for the job, just silence, and then my agent gave up.  Yes, I have a job agent.  I’ll get to that later.

 

The next…opportunity…was Iron Systems.  Er…Iron Networks.  Actually maybe it was technically both.  I have no idea.

 

I actually think I spooked the company on this one.  I was…somewhat nervously and clumsily because I didn’t understand what I was doing and I had THREE USABLE ASSETS TOTAL…making a video.  And then someone pointed out that the colors that I was using for the video were supposed to match exactly the colors on the company’s logo.  I kinda figured that would happen…then, on a hunch, I checked the logo colors against another image sent by the company that had the same colors…except they weren’t the same color.  The color was very slightly off by a couple of RGBs.  And yes, that’s what you’re supposed to do.  It rules out just eyeballing it.  So I was sent into a panic, and told my agent to ask the company a few questions about why the colors didn’t match, and a few other things I didn’t understand.

 

They went silent.

 

Yup.  I never heard from them again.  My agent even resent the questions…but to no avail.

 

I just gotta say:  Colfax International and Iron Systems are HILARIOUS to me.  Think about it:  Places of authority where you are supposed to earn money to feed yourself and others…just drying up like that.

 

I’m not trying to insult either company, but…when working for Iron Systems, I actually spooked them.  That is just great.

 

Okay, I’m done.  Now to talk about my agent.

 

The agency itself is called Gatepath, and it helps disabled people (apparently autism disables me…I don’t get that) find jobs.

 

I’m not quite sure what to make of it.  So far in my quest to find a job…nothing stuck.

 

Our hero has battled through companies that didn’t fit him, climbed the highest peaks and slid down smashing into rocks, and beat one foe into the ground that could have been useful if our hero didn’t try to be our hero…and…

 

What was I talking about?  Winning?  Scaring companies away?  What?  Oh, right, my agent.

 

You might think that my agent isn’t helping.  Yeah, well, I could totally just open a newspaper and go to the Jobs section and try to find one that way.  But considering what I was able to find through an agent, I hate to think of what I’ll be able to find by myself.

 

That said, I have something on the back burner that might help.  Key word for however long: MIGHT.

 

That thing is a possible job at Apple.

 

“Wait what??”  I hear you ask.  “Apple is a HUGE company that demands EXTREME precision at EVERYTHING.”

 

Yeah.  And your point?  I haven’t been successful at anything prior.  You suddenly want me to think logically?  Let me point you back to the Iron Systems incident.

 

Also:  I love Apple.  And I still love it, even if people are screaming bloody murder at every move it makes.  And I found 300 entry-level jobs in the Bay Area.  At Apple.

 

But I’m scared.

I have read accounts of former employees getting really annoyed at the culture that Apple made.  I am not surprised.  Steve Jobs made it so every employee scrutinized everything they do to the Nth degree just so they could make products that everyone loves.  I am not looking forward to Apple if that’s all it is.  Remember how I wimped out at Agile Learning Labs?  Yeah, that.

 

So I literally have no clue where to go from here.  Really…I have NOTHING.

No, we didn’t actually swim WITH sea otters, but we went on a kayaking trip and got to see sea see sea otters.  (tee hee).

 

And we apparently went on one with a rookie tour guide, because the first other  creature we saw, the tour guide didn’t know what it was.  That is always a good sign (no offense to the tour or the guide).

 

The creature was this jelly sack thing.  It looked like a zebra if a zebra was a slug.  It was as big as a child’s hand and it was literally this sack of internal organs, and it sprayed this yellow ink when we picked it up (well it didn’t actually spray, but it oozed it out).

 

But this has nothing to do with sea otters.

Something that has to do with it is when one of them climbed up on a kayak.

 

One of our classmates was tooling around somewhere very far away from the tour guide for whatever reason, and a sea otter just jumped up and climbed onto the back of the kayak and just laid there like the otter owned it.

There was also a dog.  In the kayak.  It actually didn’t do a damn thing.  I don’t know why.

 

So we shoved the otter off the boat.  After that the otter just rolled over onto its back and didn’t give any more shits.  That was okay…we had enough shits.*//Delete this joke//*

 

After this we drove to the hotel, waited until the dead of night and then me, my brother, and his girlfriend explored the hotel.  And rooted through every drawer we could find (they did, not me).

Once we made it to the ground floor, we sat around a fireplace and my brother stole an apple because apples are cool I guess.  Then my brother’s girlfriend made a joke about the vase of flowers on the table.  Because we apparently assumed she was a plant.

 

We talked about her sudden transformation into a humanoid plant, then she said she could hear other plants talking.  We asked her what the flowers on the table were saying, and she told us: “They’re saying: ‘We are GMO plants and we have no soul!‘”

It was funny.  Because being genetically engineered apparently means your leafy-green exterior will be sent straight to hell as soon as you die…or something like that.

And plants understand that they’re GMO’ed and what that means.  Obviously.

 

Anyway, barring oddly specific plant telepathy, after that we went to the aquarium and saw otters get fed.  They were cute.

Then hip-hop jellyfish.  Because the thing you think of when you see bright flashing wobbly-glass-like creatures of death, is hip-hop/rock/90’s/whatever music.  Or at least that’s what the people that built the exhibit thought of.

And there was this tank with little cute jellyfish that were lots of different colors and there were so many and they went push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push-push and then one of them bopped into the tank wall and AWWW KAWAII DESU NE?!

But the one disappointing thing about the exhibit is that the one room that actually HAD flashing lights (because none of the other rooms did for one reason or none), didn’t use hip-hop music.  NAN DESU KA?!?

Anyway, that was our trip.  Kind of boring, but kind of cool.  Ish.